Big emotional Feeler? Turning emotions into your biggest asset

If you are a leader in your business, your family at work.
You have to hold the space, be the foundation, the rock.

You will know especially with ADHD that this can be  extremely challenging
Our thoughts- create our emotional response- informs our ability to be at our best

Don't believe your thoughts.
You've heard this before right?
We have over 60,000 thoughts a day!! which ones are you habitually choosing to believe?

Could your thoughts be things that could change everything?

It's our responsibility to create a more harmonious relationship with our minds. and our bodies
If you are leading in many parts of your life,  you will know when thoughts that create big emotions take  us over, and ruin our best efforts

We cant be solution focused, make decisions, or be in our creative flow.
in this episode, I talk about.

• The ability of the mind to turn from negative to positive in a split second
• Noticing the emotions that arise from your thoughts
• Overthinking and rumination often begin with a dysregulated nervous system
• The dysregulated nervous system, caused by living in the stress response
• How small changes we can make  can have a big impact  on our ability to be in our healthy power

I am Katie Stibbs a mindset & embodiment coach supporting female entrepreneurs
who realise this mind body and & soul work is the key to growth & expansion in their business and personal life without burning out
Find me at:
www.katiestibbs.com
https://www.facebook.com/katie.stibbs.9
https://www.instagram.com/katiestibbs.ambitious.adhd

Transcript

[00:01] Speaker A: Hello, and welcome to the podcast ambitious auditors women with ADHD. I am your host Katie stibbs and I help ambitious women who think differently simplify the Big Three, which is love, work and well-being so they achieve their version of happy success. We are here to share stories, and strategies and chat about our Beautiful Mind so.

[00:24] Speaker B: So if you enjoy the podcast, please.

[00:27] Speaker A: Subscribe and download the accompanying strategy guide@katysibs.com.

[00:34] Speaker B: Hello a gorgeous woman. I hope I find you well. I am also hoping that spring is coming very soon because this weather in the UK is really, really getting on my nerves today. Now, this episode is all about emotions. Emotions have played a huge role in my life and for many years I presumed that everybody had big emotions just like me. Now, I wrote an article on this yesterday and I will never tire in my fascination or my teachings around this topic because as I said, when I was younger, I just thought everybody experienced life just like me with this constant flow of emotions throughout their day. And in my 20s, when I was drawn to really studying, searching for answers for my own particular relationship with my big emotions, I realized that not everybody did experience this kind of constant flow of feelings. And now I have obviously even more insight into the variation of this emotional landscape. I realize that many, many women with ADHD also experience this daily emotional roller coaster. Now, if you have a business, you have to develop huge emotional resilience. You know, the capacity to deal with many moving parts, the knockbacks, the highs, the ability to communicate and to not take criticism to heart, the rejection. So it is an absolute priority to develop this ability in ourselves. This is a really important skill set to be able to navigate the skills to flow with this roller coaster. And what I have learned, what I know for sure and when I support my clients in my highest self, this is pivotal. And on this journey, which is really a journey of radical self-acceptance and learning to love all the parts of ourselves that this is the biggest asset that they will ever kind of cultivate within themselves. And knowing this on a cognitive level is all well and good, but it is really embodying this new internal belief.

[03:39] Speaker C: System.

[03:42] Speaker B: And it's about not making big emotions wrong. It is absolutely a beautiful thing that you experience this spectrum of emotion and it's a really beautiful exercise to actually write down. I easily experience joy, I easily experience anger. Because you know what? This makes us a human that is willing to go where many people have not got the courage to go. And even though I know oftentimes we wish we could switch off this flow of emotion, when we kind of channel this strength within ourselves, when it doesn't kind of really hijack us in ways where we can't operate on our highest level, then we are able to experience the spectrum of emotion and feel all the things and also be able to come back to our center. And I think if you are holding many moving parts, like I know many of you are, then really prioritizing these skills are absolutely essential. Because let's just think about this for a moment. What is more important, especially with ADHD, when we have internalized so many negative comments and we have got big feelings, what is more important as you grow and expand and you take on a team to really love yourself? See, I don't think you can expand and grow if you are not able to look at all those parts of yourself and start to really give them the compassion that they deserve and then integrate all of those parts. So we're able to really be courageous in our decision making. We are able to be courageous in the way that we make kind of choices. The self trust piece. So no matter what is going on in the external world, that we have enough self acceptance and self love and owning ourselves and being unapologetically ourselves. Because that is our brilliance actually. That we can really show up, turn up anyhow, anywhere, any country, any meeting and be fully in our healthy power. And some of us might need to do a lot more work than others. And it's enjoyable because what is better than the feeling of walking into anywhere in the world and feeling at peace with yourself? That you absolutely like yourself, that you have your own back? Nothing to me on this earth is more important than this work. And also everything is affected in a positive way. When we really have the skills to fully accept and embrace ourselves, our children notice, our partners notice, because we've become less needy. We've created this container within ourselves, this deep level of self trust, these roots that go deeply down, that we create our own sense of security, emotional stability and safety. We are the eye of the storm with that strong kind of tree with the roots going down into the earth. So when you think about it in those terms, there is nothing more important than you learning to love your emotions.

[08:04] Speaker C: So.

[08:08] Speaker B: When we actively learn these skills, we're really able to channel these emotions. We can use them as fuel, as energy, as inspiration. We can use them to have huge empathic ability with it for ourselves, for our clients, for our children. And you know what? Even our perceived negative thoughts can really act as gateway emotions that enable us to take action. So for example, anger. I can feel a lot of anger and I always have been able to. Not always with certain people and injustice and the certain things that anger rises up in me. Now, anger can be a real gateway emotion that can lead to us taking action that we need to take and overwhelm as a state, as an emotion, especially as an ADHD entrepreneur, can really be a gateway for us to rest. Take that break, switch off, recalibrate. And I just wonder how many of you end up with migraines or kind of incapacitated immobilized in some way and this overwhelm is forcing you to stop. Your mind, body, soul is so deep, it is so much more aware. It's giving us information. And when it knows we need to stop, it will enforce stops within our bodies. And when we can easily feel joy, the emotion of joy expands our possibilities. It opens up a whole world of kind of expansion and curiosity. Curiosity, that ability to feel in awe and in wonder and curious about ideas and ways that we can move forward. This enables us to keep growing, to find different ways of proceeding that others might not see because obviously that is a gift of yours. Seeing the patterns that other people cannot see. And obviously as well, curiosity is the antidote to feeling stuck. I just wonder how I could see things differently. Or I wonder what is possible if I take a walk for five minutes and get out into the green and give my brain a break. So let's explore this a little more. This gives it a tangible kind of storyline and this is a true story taken from one of my clients experiences a few months ago. And it was a kind of reoccurring pattern that we noticed was really kind of sabotaging her from being able to kind of be in her highest self. That core part of you that is fully in its power, fully in trust, all of the things that we want when we're going to a really important business meeting. So just imagine you're driving to this meeting that you have been kind of waiting for, for several months and you've been really looking forward to it. You have been wanting to meet this woman that you really admire for actually a couple of years. And there is a real possibility here of a collaboration. So you're driving along in your car and suddenly your train of thought just kind of goes off center, just goes on its own merry way. When you were in a really good space and you were breathing and you were connecting and you were in a flow, and then suddenly this thought pops in your head and it moves to oh, remember when you remember when you were 21 and you were working in the city and you were given the opportunity to host, to chair this meeting and to do a little presentation? And you got up in front of the board and suddenly your mind went blank, you started to feel sick, your heart was beating, and you literally started stuttering. And even though that was 20 years ago, and even though you've done many, many presentations or hosted meetings, that that thought pops in your head and suddenly you are going down a rabbit hole. Of all of the times that you have messed up, that you have possibly made a fall of yourself, that you weren't in your kind of higher self. And suddenly your thoughts have created an emotional state of overwhelm, possible sadness, feeling unworthy and the emotional reaction. And the physical response in your body is really, really real because that is the power of our mind, of our unchecked emotions, of our thought patterns. So if we are kind of which is totally normal by the way, self sabotaging in this way and we've got big meetings we have to hold the space, we have to hold our own. We've really got to get to reprogramming reprogramming the messages, the thoughts, the thoughts, the belief systems, the emotional response, the regulation of the nervous system. Because we can do this, but this takes practice, but it has to be done. If we are able to be in real conscious self leadership wherever we are, whatever we're doing in our lives, this happens to all of us. But it doesn't have to continue happening now. Oftentimes we keep doing and experience the same things over and over again. And if they go unchecked, then the patterns just become deeper rooted and then we start believing that they're true and then we're reinforcing the fact that this is our identity, that we **** up in meetings.

[15:27] Speaker C: Yada yada yada.

[15:29] Speaker B: So emotions are absolutely pivotal and our reaction to them, our ability to feel them, but for them to not hijack our system, to be able to respond in a way that is super healthy, that makes us kind of be able to calm down quickly. And this is just as simple as noticing, raising a smile, doing the deep breath work, being able to respond in a different way. So the mind overthinks when the body is disregulated. So what is it for you? Is your body disregulated right now? And then that is the kind of platform, the cause of your kind of rumination your thinking. And is your body right now being hijacked by cortisol the stress response? So let's have a little look at the signs. An example, really kind of clear example when you have had a disagreement maybe with your partner and you've gone out for the day to be in your work, done all of your chores. So this is like 5 hours later and you turn the key in the door and you feel sick, your heart is racing, you feel nervous, you feel anxious, your breath is short. And you know what? Cortisol is racing around your body, hijacking your nervous system. And actually nothing has happened other than your nervous system has been disregulated by an argument that you temporarily forgot but could still feel it in your body but had to get on with your meetings and your work. And then you've come back and it's reactivated at the imagining of the scenario that might play out as you go in and maybe continue with the argument or the disagreement or have to deal with the walking on eggshells where you're secondguessing and making lots of things up in your own mind from this place. We cannot be solution focused thinkers. We lose our creativity, we lose our access to any flow state. And if you are trying to hold these many parts and do many things, as I know many of you are, this cannot go on. You must, must, must find ways of regulating your nervous system and just noticing what is happening first in your body, bringing some awareness, even just counteracting it with the antidote of breath, just breathing in for four, out for four. I know it sounds so obvious, but this is the start of just rebuilding the foundations. This is the foundational piece in my opinion. Because when we can regulate ourselves, this all comes back to the kind of self love part, self regulation, learning to accept and navigate so we are not thrown off course left, right and center. And many of you are masking, many of you are successfully masking leaders in your own world, brilliant at what you do. Yet there's this undercurrent in so many of us of these masks that we are having to keep in place where underneath it is really unhealthy what is going on here. So let's be brilliant, let's be creative, let's be our best selves, but let's really look at how we can support ourselves in moving forward, in being able to have the tools, whatever you do, because you must make this a priority. So this can also be very, very simple. In the first steps of not believing our own thoughts, I just would love you to notice the brain and how clever it is and what a contrary merit is, to be fair, because our brain, our thoughts can switch from negative to positive in a second. So it's noticing with kind of curiosity and wonder how this occurs in ourself and not being drawn into the center of the emotional story that it is kind of activating in our systems. So just noticing this week when thoughts that are going into negative spaces are occurring, that triggers the people, the experiences when this is more likely to happen and then being in wonder about the mind because it is the mind's job to think. So that's what it will do forever. So you're never going to stop it thinking, but you are going to be able to change your relationship with your thoughts. So you are not suddenly in the middle of a desperate drama in your mind that has never occurred, but only in your imagination. And I'm sure that resonates with some of you, well, all of you when we're walking down the road and by the time we've got to wherever we're going, we're totally involved in this scenario in our head that is creating a whole avalanche of emotions and reactions without any of it ever happening or ever going to happen. So just bringing some humor and some lightness to the way that we operate, some real radical self acceptance, some inner knowing and some separation. The observer being the observer of these patterns and these thoughts just bringing a little bit of lightness and laughter to just the way that we are as humans.

[22:40] Speaker C: Just to recap on the topic of emotions that we will revisit, of course, because there's so much to say. So just in the next week or in the next kind of few months, beginning to really pay attention and prioritize giving your best efforts to notice the patterns in your emotions that are not serving you any more. And you might be really surprised at how quickly you can first bring awareness.

[23:18] Speaker B: And then kind of have the ability.

[23:21] Speaker C: To not get involved in the drama that these thoughts and then emotions are provoking in you and changes can happen very quickly. Now, a reminder about the nervous system being dysregulated first off, so when we don't get enough sleep, when we have really kind of not very clear boundaries which many of us with ADHD do not have because many of us are people pleasers and we will talk about that in another episode. So the mixture of not having clear boundaries, of overworking, of not getting enough sleep, of not looking after our gut.

[24:08] Speaker B: Health.

[24:11] Speaker C: Can really contribute to this whole body in disarray, in dysfunction, coming out with all kinds of symptoms.

[24:22] Speaker B: So.

[24:25] Speaker C: That is why it's so important. We're talking about the top layer of the thoughts, but actually the dysregulation of the system and all of the symptoms that occur when we don't provide ourselves with that platform and that foundational piece of sleep and health and boundaries and noticing. So this is much more complicated. However, we can just begin with one thing today, its thoughts leading into emotions. But underlying that, maybe you can notice what else you can do. Simple, tiny things to create that beautiful foundation of really looking after ourselves, really starting to take care. Because this comes in self love and radical self acceptance and then the noticing of the thoughts that lead into the emotions and how quickly the brain can flip from one to the other. And it is our job, our responsibility to not go there. And on the surface, oh yeah, I've well had that's ridiculous. But yes, you are. We are way more in control of things than we think. There are things that we can do, there are actions that we can take, there are modes of being that we can get ourselves into. So beautiful, gorgeous, clever, intuitive, kind, energetic, innovator, sending you all the love and just a reminder to really prioritize looking after yourself. I love you and I'll see you next time. And don't forget to please give this podcast a five star review if you like it. It really helps with other people being able to see it. Obviously, this is what I do with my clients create the foundational pieces of radical self acceptance, clarity on their big meaningful goals and really embodying all of the skills. energetically, cognitively, taking the action required, getting really focused on the things that matter. So if you are interested in going on this journey really kind of living into your fullest potential without burning out, please you can find me@katystibs.com or ambitious ADHD Katie stibbs Instagram. I will see you next time and take care of yourself.